For those of you who like to fill the room with love grooves when engaging in "Barry White" mode with your baby, here are my top favorite make out albums.
Use caution with these. Combined with certain physical activities the
sounds can induce "spiritual connection trauma..." This one is my
favorite. soundscapes that sneak into your head and back out again
causing an almost opium like rush with the right person. "Oh Earthly
Gods," by Govinda. Best when listened to with someone hot in a basement
with a large, sectional couch...
"Criminal"
by Fiona Apple is an especially dangerous mixture of sounds that can
induce sexual road hypnosis. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery
while under the influence of this material. Smaller pieces of equipment
may be operated under appropriate supervision...
Officially
endorsed by the Ukranian Board of Female Studies as a Beta State
enhancement tool and available in the the Czech republic by prescription
only as a fertility drug, "Blue" by Joni Mitchell is an excellent
addition to your make out arsenal. Use only as directed by a
physician...
Imaginaerum by Nightwish. Be
careful with this one. Use only on a THX certified stereo system at
medium volume levels, with a partner who is already two martinis in...
Trust me, it works real good... DO NOT SPRING THIS ON ANYONE WHO SUFFERS
FROM SCHIZOPHRENIA EVEN IF CONTROLLED BY MEDICATION.
"Dark
Side of the Moon," by Pink Floyd is a great soundtrack for making out.
It seems to encourage blood pressure and heart rate synchronization and
definitely causes time and space to compress. Dizziness and
disorientation will occur if any interruption to the "session" happens.
THC optional... Methyl B12 supplements highly recommended.
Joss
Stone's "LP 1" was designed for only one purpose. If your physician
has deemed you healthy enough for sexual activity then LP 1 may be right
for you. Your pharmacist may deny your Viagra, Cialis or other
prescription of that sort if they find out you possess this album as it
could cause an unsafe increase in blood pressure.
If
you find yourself in the company of an exotic dancer who is
inexplicably attracted to you in an off duty, non club setting (granted
an extremely rare situation) and they have revealed in conversation over
dinner that they "really dig vampire stuff," Type O Negative's "October
Rust" will be an indespensible addition to your audio arsenal... Not
reccomended for Amish partners as they have problems with electronically
recorded music and the complex machinery used to reproduce these
sounds.
IMPORTANT!
FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY! Steely Dan's "Decade of Steely
Dan" is a perfect make out album if you transfer the tracks to a digital
player like iTunes, and DELETE the track titled "East Saint Louis
Toodle-oo." The author of this reccomendation can not be held
responsible for the damage caused to your living room when your perfect
encounter is interrupted by this incredibly inappropriate piece of audio
birth control... THIS ALBUM IS FOR ADVANCED MAKE OUT ARTISTS ONLY AS IT
REQUIRES SPECIAL PLAY BACK INSTRUCTIONS!
Another
great artist wrapping up my make out music arsenal is the intense work
of my friend Taitano (AJ Sanchez). His music causes zippers to slowly
come undone and stubborn bra hooks to snap open as if by some dark magic
spell. He recently impressed a lot of people in New York and I expect
there will be a number of unexpected pregnancies in that area...
Strange Containers is a story in progress, pieced together with short story segments, screenplays, artwork, music, and audio soundscapes. Following these pieces, a pattern will emerge that tells the story of The Cosmic Data Stream, The Power that Creates the Universe, The Mischievous Outlier and Source of Resistance and the Guardians of Light who would see all shadows erased…
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