Make Out List Suggestions - Part 1

For those of you who like to fill the room with love grooves when engaging in "Barry White" mode with your baby, here are my top favorite make out albums. Use caution with these. Combined with certain physical activities the sounds can induce "spiritual connection trauma..." This one is my favorite. soundscapes that sneak into your head and back out again causing an almost opium like rush with the right person. "Oh Earthly Gods," by Govinda. Best when listened to with someone hot in a basement with a large, sectional couch...




"Criminal" by Fiona Apple is an especially dangerous mixture of sounds that can induce sexual road hypnosis. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery while under the influence of this material. Smaller pieces of equipment may be operated under appropriate supervision...




Officially endorsed by the Ukranian Board of Female Studies as a Beta State enhancement tool and available in the the Czech republic by prescription only as a fertility drug, "Blue" by Joni Mitchell is an excellent addition to your make out arsenal. Use only as directed by a physician...




Imaginaerum by Nightwish. Be careful with this one. Use only on a THX certified stereo system at medium volume levels, with a partner who is already two martinis in... Trust me, it works real good... DO NOT SPRING THIS ON ANYONE WHO SUFFERS FROM SCHIZOPHRENIA EVEN IF CONTROLLED BY MEDICATION.




"Dark Side of the Moon," by Pink Floyd is a great soundtrack for making out. It seems to encourage blood pressure and heart rate synchronization and definitely causes time and space to compress. Dizziness and disorientation will occur if any interruption to the "session" happens. THC optional... Methyl B12 supplements highly recommended.




Joss Stone's "LP 1" was designed for only one purpose. If your physician has deemed you healthy enough for sexual activity then LP 1 may be right for you. Your pharmacist may deny your Viagra, Cialis or other prescription of that sort if they find out you possess this album as it could cause an unsafe increase in blood pressure.




If you find yourself in the company of an exotic dancer who is inexplicably attracted to you in an off duty, non club setting (granted an extremely rare situation) and they have revealed in conversation over dinner that they "really dig vampire stuff," Type O Negative's "October Rust" will be an indespensible addition to your audio arsenal... Not reccomended for Amish partners as they have problems with electronically recorded music and the complex machinery used to reproduce these sounds.




IMPORTANT! FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY! Steely Dan's "Decade of Steely Dan" is a perfect make out album if you transfer the tracks to a digital player like iTunes, and DELETE the track titled "East Saint Louis Toodle-oo." The author of this reccomendation can not be held responsible for the damage caused to your living room when your perfect encounter is interrupted by this incredibly inappropriate piece of audio birth control... THIS ALBUM IS FOR ADVANCED MAKE OUT ARTISTS ONLY AS IT REQUIRES SPECIAL PLAY BACK INSTRUCTIONS!




Another great artist wrapping up my make out music arsenal is the intense work of my friend Taitano (AJ Sanchez). His music causes zippers to slowly come undone and stubborn bra hooks to snap open as if by some dark magic spell. He recently impressed a lot of people in New York and I expect there will be a number of unexpected pregnancies in that area...

       

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