Freedom, Sandwiches, and the Business of Evil

In this politically charged era of debate and heated discussion, I would like to take a brief moment to remind everyone of the role of John Montague, the 4th Earl of Sandwich in the creation of our great nation. We all know of his second greatest invention, the beloved and delicious sandwich. But there is a larger picture to this man's contributions to the world and his first greatest invention, (purely by accident of course), The United States of America. You see, John was reviled in British and European society at large as "the single most immoral man in existence." He was a gambler, womanizer, (possibly a murderer), and practicing Satan worshiper. It was his immeasurable depths of depravity, corruption and ineptitude in his role of the head of the British Admiralty that led to underfunded military naval support and arrogant disregard for intelligence that some upstarts "across the pond" were "going on about, independence from the British Empire, or some such nonsense." As the war for independence in America grew into a bloody reality, again, his preoccupation with personal interests such as gambling (which led to the invention of the sandwich we love and enjoy today), orgies, managing bribes, late night black masses in service to the Dark Lord Satan, raping young women and so forth, afforded him little time to take this whole "American Colonies Mess" seriously. So, when we look at the behavior of our "representatives" (and by "our representatives," I mean, "large corporate money's representatives") in Washington, remember to take a big bite of your delicious ham and cheese or peanut butter sandwich, and smile because a villain was too arrogant and consumed with evil to stop something really cool from happening in the world.